The Exploration

Sometimes I still feel like Mentally I am here Sailing to shore with the wake Maybe I wish I was Maybe it’s just my way To escape Whatever it is- Who cares? Because when there are waves I don’t even notice Because the sun shines Bright, where the trees break And the waves are no longer danger Instead they fade into The sounds of the lake Superior to be 19, Grand Marais 20 whatever I feel it everyday Seagulls squawk But to me they say Happy birthday Even though it’s just another Ordinary day Though a sky like this Doesn’t just make for another day … When life was a mess I never even prayed When I had no faith You still showed your face And I still think about it Every single day.

Laying on the floor Dust among the dust Light hits each speck Differently Creating a painting Like brush strokes On this canvas I continue to paint over Each time I feel that It’s not coming out Like I think it should Maybe it could Become something If rather than painting over The strokes of the past I left them there I let them last And linger Until the time comes For them to become A lost piece of the past All memories of before Are lost Unless notated Unless they have some cause In what is happening  Today Because unless they make The bad days go away They are left  To where they were made.

  As if they’d never end I can feel the end begin Just as it did before I walked out, shut the door Won’t step foot there anymore Flashbacking, backtracking To warm water splashing As the sand swirls And I hold you close to me Because I know it makes you feel Like it makes me feel Now it’s realer And faces once familiar Have become distant characters In our memories of yesterday Where was I? Did I find what I tried to find? Because in some ways I feel blind To the thoughts of my younger mind Somewhere in the meantime I got caught up in this screen time Lost the deeper meaning Just following the street signs

On a sidewalk step Alone, he sits there Dirty soles, feet bare Fine, shortly-cut light brown hair Taking in the summer air Easily scared and unaware No calendar No real care What’s on his mind? Where lies his stare? Can’t seem to find A thought to share Maybe, there’s really not A thing to say Because it’s rarely hot Just enjoy the day Then came the day When the clouds turned gray Intruding thoughts Slowly encaged The way he thought His ability to create What was once unbarred Was now contained Internally distraught And filled with hate For what he became And his loss of grace That sidewalk step In his mind, creates A time of no stress A true escape “Give me some advice” I’d like to say “How do you sit here and gaze With nothing to say? Nothing on your mind.  Just enjoying the day.” I don’t think he could answer He’d have nothing to say Because things have changed He’s no longer that way.

  I can wait I wish I didn’t look this way I wish I wasn’t so young in age I can’t wait til Saturday I can’t wait til my birthday I wish the sky wasn’t so grey I wish there wasn’t any rain I can’t wait to move from this place I can’t wait til I don’t have to listen to what you say I wish I had more games to play I wish I could have that name I can’t wait to board that plane I can’t wait to do it my way Then somewhere along the way You quit wishing the same You realize you should wait Because when you can’t You miss it Then it’s never the same You always wait for the day When everything is great Then realize the day for which you wait Is already gone, it’s yesterday Your innocence is gone Those blue shades You used to watch as you lay In the grass Have slowly changed to grey Because everything gets duller when you change You lose your sense of presence You lose the excitement in your face It’s no longer fun to run And go out in the rain Instead you close your blinds And wait for the...