The Exploration

  Mountain Everyday he stepped outside on to his front porch to watch the sunrise over the mountain peak that overlooked his home. “How long would it take me to get up there?” He thought. He had asked himself this for years with hopes that the peak would get closer. It never did. But his problem was not that the peak was too high, but rather that he had never made the first step. Dreaming of a climb of such a large scale was one thing, but achieving it was a whole new high. So he began his journey. He started to think about what things he was doing each day that would prepare him to climb to the top of that peak. It was difficult to focus his mind on this one particular goal but if it was going to happen, it required all of his focus. His thoughts needed to be in line with his goal. His actions needed to be in line with his goal. All of it needed to lead to one final action.  The next day began just as every other day. He sat on his porch watching the orange light arise ...

Traveling vs Touring When one tours, they look for what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear, and they feel what they want to feel. When one travels, they see what is seen, hear what is heard, and feel what is felt. The only difference is one is passive, the other is active. Typically, the act of being passive is viewed with a negative connotation but in this sense, I believe it is positive. When you only experience what you want to experience, you place a box around whatever it is you are doing. This is being an active tourer. Passivity requires you to experience all that comes to you. It opens you up to any experience and any feeling. The options for exploration are vast. Touring and traveling may be seen as synonyms, but in my eyes, they are a juxtaposition. To feel what is meant to be felt, you must let your mind open up and take in all that comes.  

  Days Changes take place from day to day and the only thing that has stayed the same is the shell that holds my mind. My age has turned. The days have gotten longer when I don’t want them but shorter when I do. What does one do to combat this? It is the eternal craving for the most time and the most joy simultaneously. Days have become boring. The daily joy I once possessed has been replaced by fatigue and a drained mind when the sun goes down. But what have I gained? I have gained the realization that I can create anything I desire. The power is within me and I possess the ability to improve myself and create something magnificent. Wisdom is something I now possess. Experience. I can say I have been there and done that. But the one feeling that never flees is the joy I get in learning. Millions of things are available at my fingertips to divulge. Let me live and give me time to learn all I can. Each experience is an opportunity to learn something new. An open mind can absorb al...

  Presence I didn’t realize it. How could the days that I had longed for so long be gone. I didn’t know that I was in them when I was, but now I most definitely do. Dreaming of the past when I didn’t appreciate what I had right in front of me. The best times are created when you least likely expect it. I have been let down so many times because I anticipate a moment being so good, but it is never as good as I could see it being in my mind.  A memory can be ruined due to planning. I have experienced this first hand. I have learned that just accepting everything that comes to me can help me appreciate everything as it comes. It allows me to not become overexcited of something then look back in regret when it wasn’t as good as I imagine. The message is you never know what you have til it’s gone. It’s a repetitive saying, but it’s so very true. Take every day as it is. Live each moment as its own and do not compare it to others. The practice of memory comparison has eroded my fe...

  Breakthrough In my mind the tides are high. Wind blows at high speeds while the waves rush against the rocky shore. Clouds loom overhead and swirl as they look down with their malevolent eyes. Lightning strikes and thunder booms as the trees tremble in the dark. No sign of clarity. This storm brews endlessly.  But suddenly, a bright spot appears through the clouds. A storm that has lasted seemingly forever may finally cease. High winds calmly wither to a lull of light flurries. Thunder booms have transformed into a small echo in the distance. Waves become smaller and smaller as they crawl from the horizon to the shore. A breakthrough has arrived.  Years of crashing and deafening noises have created a beautiful sight. I wander out to the end of the oak dock that reaches toward the lake and come to a rest. The storm has created beauty. I, too, will find a breakthrough. Sometimes you have to weather the storm to find the treasure it brings. A breakthrough is in the future....

  I can honestly say I have become a better version of myself. I take daily actions to improve on myself and take actionable steps at achieving the goals I have created for myself. I am proud of myself for truly focusing my attention on becoming better. What am I looking for in life? Happiness. And for me, improvement leads to happiness. It is self-fulfillment. I am fulfilling myself by being the best I can be. It took me years to realize that I was doing too many different things, and never focusing on one thing enough to be good at it. I am diligent. I am committed. I am persevering. These are attributes I have always possessed but I have dug deep to rediscover them. It is not easy. It is hard to change your biology through deep thought and focus but it must be done. For me, meditation can completely change my mindset and the atmosphere I create in my day. I travel to a different state within my mind and create a place I want to be. It isn’t taxing and I challenge you to do it to...

  Summers of the past Years ago the days of summer created a feeling that lasted forever. Hours spent on a bike path or in a boat on the river felt like minutes. A plan never fell through due to the lack of anything else to do. Long car rides around town were never that long because there was always a song to sing along to or a friend to talk to.  Now my town feels smaller, but lonelier. No longer do I run into faces I know. Places have changed just as much as the people. The staples of my childhood have been erased and replaced with something that doesn’t belong. No more footsteps on my front lawn, just footprints left from the years of torment it faced as boys ran on all day long.  When you return, what do you see? Breathe in the memories you can no longer feel. Remember the people you no longer hear. Because it’s gone physically, it’s gone for real. But in my head, its forever here.

          Reverse Vinyl Days lengthen when it plays Rays blaze through the dark clouds of a summer rage Heat seeks through the skin of tan legs Completely disarranged when the glow fades to gray Load up the hatchback and backtrack that singletrack  Keep rolling until the wheels flat Backward hat, speakers blast enough to bounce racks Rewind that track and let it echo cruising in a cul de sac Flashbacks help me rehash what I once had Glad to have had a life lived so laxed These days where I sit listening to that vinyl track I sometimes reverse to live it all twice back

Crisp leaves crunch as an orange haze fills the once deep blue sky. Fires dance on tree tops as dead warriors fall. The fight to stay alive through the summer season has been lost. Air, once filled with cotton and pollen, now carries the dust of crushed leaves. Oh, all that has been lost. A spring filled with new beginnings and growth has simply floundered into another wasted summer.  Memories overtake my mind as I sit sipping coffee from a backyard patio. How it never lasts. It goes so fast. But wasted, it was not. Reflection shows how memorable the time was. Walks through woods with dreams for new books. Swims in warm water with complete ignorance for days ahead. Glasses become familiar with my lips as I sit up late reminiscing the times I had. To think that I had it bad. Wandering through the depths of my mind rethinking all the falls behind. So many times I never realized that I was alive during the height of my life. Youthful love uncontained by a nine-to-five. Night drives to...

My scars tell a story. A story of an insecure teen who didn’t think they could accomplish anything. A twenty-year-old who saw no hope for things to ever get better. A man who lived in an eternal winter with no signs of spring. Why did I have to go through this? Why me? I would ask everyday. Then finally it hit me. Everyone goes through something. Everyone has issues. Everyone feels pain. Everyone has some deep scars that will never go away. It comes down to how you deal with pain. If pain meant you should give up, nobody would make it. We grow from pain. When I see my scars I don’t look and think I should have never had to go through that, but rather reflect on it. I’m glad it happened because without those scars, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

  Look how far you’ve come I have an unhealthy habit of looking at all that I haven’t accomplished rather than reflecting on all that I have. It is the simple difference between having a positive outlook on life versus a negative. To truly accomplish your goals, you must focus on what you have accomplished and use that accomplishment as building blocks for your future goals. As an example, I always look back and think about how much better it would be if I had started journaling every day years ago. This mindset frustrates me and discourages me from journaling at all. On the other hand, if I look at how much I have journaled already, I am more likely to want to continue growing the habit.  Everyone has failures. I fail every day. But your failures do not matter if you use them as a growth. When I fail to act in a way that fulfills a lifetime goal, I look and ask “How did this failure come about?” rather than shaming myself for failing in the first place. Life is not about ho...