Ideality vs reality

“Every time I came to the end of the block and stepped off the goddamn curb, I had a feeling I’d never get to the other side of the street.”

The ideal life can be created with a strong imagination. I have created mine. The images of that life are vivid. They flood my brain each day as I awaken. If I really try, I can almost live the life that is happening within my mind.

It is quite terrifying.

The strength of my imagination has always overwhelmed me. I would create make-believe characters with backstories living in their own, unique worlds. In play, I would take on a completely new identity of a person with the ideal life. The life that I wanted to have.

Daydreams can cure sadness for a moment, but they always end. Then reality sets in. The reality of those dreams never happening is always depressing. Life is always somber when the high is over. 

For so long, the ideal life was simply a figment of my imagination. But now, I ask myself:

AM I LIVING MY IDEAL LIFE?

At a point in time, I felt no control over my own life. I thought that reality was in control of what happened to me, that the ideal life was an imaginary life.

But now, I have realized that the ideal life can be attained.

Dreams that were simply dreams I had as a kid are slowly becoming reality. At age 10, I remember trying to picture what I would look like at age 18. I pictured a stronger, more confident, more handsome version of myself at the time. I dreamed of things that this 18-year-old version of me would do. I came up with stories that would happen to this version of me. It was quite euphoric. I thought it might happen.

Year 18 came around and I felt as though I had let down 10-year-old me. I was not the person I had seen in my mind. I was not the person I planned to be. 

Not living up to your own expectations is what causes depression. It makes you feel worthless, underachieving, insufficient. 

This hit me hard. At that time, I came to the realization that idealism was a fallacy. Dreams weren’t worth having because there was no way to achieve them.

I lived life with that mindset for a couple years after, then something dawned on me. When I pictured that version of my 18-year-old self, I might’ve pictured the version of my current self. My immature mind just overestimated how quickly I could get there.

Things began to turn when I started respecting what I had accomplished. The me that I had pictured when I was 10, was the me I wanted to be. I  did become stronger, more confident, and somewhat more handsome. On top of that, I was smarter, more driven, more influential, friendlier, more outgoing, more eager to learn, and overall happier.

HAD I CREATED MY IDEAL LIFE?

I most definitely had. I was living my ideal life. It is possible to fulfill your dreams. Sometimes, it just takes longer than you expect.

Someday you will make it to the other side of the street. When you’re younger, it feels like the walk across is so short, but in reality it is much longer. It takes many steps to reach your ideal life, but with a dream and motivation, anything is possible.

Make your real life your ideal life.

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Thank you for reading.

I appreciate every single person who happens to stumble across these deep sentiments buried in my subconscious.

I hope if you’re here you can relate.

My goal is to help others better themselves while doing the same.

This is The Exploration.