Growth in separation

“Don’t spend too much time beating on a wall hoping it’ll turn into a door.”

There is one question I always ask myself:

If I left, would they notice?

This question isn’t intended to be bleak, but rather reflective.

If the answer to this question is “no”, it allows to come to 2 conclusions:

1. Am I making a big enough impact?

2. Are these people making me better?

The first question looks inward. I analyze whether or not it is my fault people wouldn’t notice if I go. I ask myself what more I could be doing to make them remember me. I ask myself if I am going out of my way to influence them, make them feel good, grow them. 

I used to always think the reason I wasn’t memorable was because others simply did not take the chance to get to know me. What I realized is that nearly 100% of the time, it is my fault they don’t know me. I am not doing enough to be remembered. 

But if I analyze my own behavior and feel like I am doing all I can, then I ask myself whether or not the people I am around are worth my time at all. 

If the people I am around are really people I want to spend time with, I make sure I am going out of my way to make an impact. I reflect on what else I could be doing to make myself remembered. But sometimes, the relationship just isn’t worth making time for anymore. If I really should be cultivating and growing this relationship, it should be making me better as well.

Sometimes I feel like I should be the one helping others. But the more I have grown, the more I have recognized the importance of separation.

I adopted the extreme ownership mindset a year or so ago and began to really question myself. I started taking responsibility for my own problems, but also made the mistake of taking responsibility for everyone else’s problems as well. I felt like I needed to be the one helping them grow. But I came to the realization that I can’t make them change, only they can.

I realized I can’t expect myself to grow when I am dumping out all of my effort trying to make someone else grow. 

So rather than simply asking what can I do? I also started asking is it worth it?

And the truth is, it isn’t always worth it.

Sometimes it is much better to separate yourself so you can grow rather than trying to drag others along with you.

I have received great dividends from simply disappearing from situations I don’t want to be in and separating myself. 

If you have made an impact, they will ask where you went. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to continue answering their calls when you are not benefiting. 

I have become comfortable with this feeling. The feeling of cutting off dead branches. 

I have been testing the waters in these scenarios lately. I am starting to realize more and more that I don’t actually want to see certain people or do certain things, but instead that I feel obligated to. I am starting to enjoy saying “no”. Because I have seen that when I say “yes” because I feel like I need to, I come out asking why I did.

Success requires self-discipline. Self-discipline requires saying no, even when it isn’t easy. 

Separate yourself from detrimental situations. 

Learn to say “no” to pleasing others and say “yes” to growing yourself.

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Thank you for reading!

My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.

This is The Exploration.