Insecure

“If everyone likes you, you’re not doing things right.”

Each day, I still struggle with being my true, authentic self. Insecurity never really goes away, you just get better at keeping it hidden. 

Everyone has something that they don’t want others to see. Everyone has skeletons that they are hiding in their closet. Everyone is scared of feeling lesser as a result of making themselves vulnerable.

You may not tell yourself that is what you are facing, but that is exactly what you are afraid of.

I have done a great job of suppressing my insecurity. I felt like I had it all together but my recent thoughts and actions have brought me to the conclusion that I have not. I have not completely embraced the things I am scared of showing others. Somewhat yes, but not completely. I still feel uneasy at the thought of being completely real with people. 

Why do I struggle so much with this? Who knows. 

I know that the only way I will become the happiest person I can be is if I am my completely real, authentic, genuine self.

And that’s the me others want to see.

One brutal real truth that I recently figured out:

NOBODY NEEDS YOU.

Realized that nobody actually needs me is freeing.

It is a really bleak thought, but it’s so true. The only person that needs you is you. If you keep trying to be what others need you will never find what you need.

I have been trying so hard to be what others need that I have been losing myself. 

I have been caring so much about being the Mason that others expect me to be that I have lost track of the Mason I want to be. 

I have always thought that being selfless is good, but being selfless is actually a selfish act.

WHY?

If you are selfless, you are not putting the time you need to into yourself to be the best for you. And being the best for you, is being the best for others. The people who are meant to be around you don’t want anything less than the real you. And if they do want something else from you, you don’t need them. Your inner circle should consist of people who are all looking out for their own best interest, while helping each other grow at the same time. If someone doesn’t respect you looking out for your own best interest, they don’t want the best for you.

This has been a hard topic for me to come to terms with, but every single time I test it, it proves true. The more I care about being the best for others, the more unhappy I am. The more I worry about what I want, the happier I am. Which, in turn, makes me better at giving others what they deserve anyway.

That is why self-growth is the best thing you can do for others.

Become the best version of yourself before anything else.

Once you have worked on yourself as much as you can, then you can take on a larger responsibility.

I am still insecure, but I just need to embrace it. I can’t hide the things I am worried about others seeing, because if I do, I am not giving them the best version of me. The realest version of me.

Embrace your insecurities.

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Thank you for reading!

My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.

This is The Exploration.