Time alone

“The more I step back, the more I move forward.”

My friends hate my selfishness. They hate that I spend so much time alone. They hate that I can’t always be there. They hate that I don’t make an effort to see them everyday. They think that I am growing apart from them and they hate it.


AM I SELFISH?


I have considered this question day after day. I have felt obligated to be there. I have felt guilty about not spending more time with them. 


I don’t want to feel obligated. I don’t want to feel guilty. I want to want to do these things, not have to.


But the truth is, they don’t make me any better.


I have realized that:


I NEED TO WORK ON MYSELF BEFORE I CAN BE THE BEST FOR THEM.


I am not completely disconnected. I am still there to talk, to hang out, to listen, but I cannot always be there. People may call this selfish but for me to be the best for others, I need to be the best for myself.


Spending time alone allows you to reflect on the person you are, become aware of your actions, improve on them and be better when you are around people. I am not just saying this because others say this, I am saying this because I have experienced it.


When I finally started taking more time for myself, I was able to be the best friend possible when around people. I was able to be the leader people needed. I was able to be fully attentive, reliable, caring. I don’t want to be the one to drag people down because I have not taken time for myself. I want to build them up when I do spend time with them.


If all you do is spend time with everyone else, you will be just like everyone else.


The time I have alone to really consider my own thoughts is the most valuable time I have. It allows me to:


  1. Think about what I really want/need

  2. Figure out how to be better

  3. Work on being better


Past experiences have taught me that the more I spend time around people, the more I lose track of what I want. The more I lose track of who I am. The more I lose track of the person I want to be. 


I finally figured out who I am when I began to think more about what I wanted and less about what everyone wanted for me.


I don’t see this as a selfish act because I don’t just do it for me. I know that the better I am, the better I make life for those around me. I also know the better I am, the more likely I am to find better people to surround me. 


Teach yourself to be alone. Being alone will help you recognize what your purpose is. It will help you come to terms with who you are and what you want.


Don’t see your time spent on yourself as selfish. Think of it as you trying to become better for everyone you encounter, yourself included.


Change your mindset on your own growth and the people who surround you will too.


Self-exploration is hard to do in public, so spend more time alone.


***


Thank you for reading!


My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.


This is The Exploration.


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