Growing and Dying

 Growing and Dying

The crunch of a once vibrant green leaf signifies the entry to a new season. The season of shedding colors in such a beautiful death. Once a warm wind that carried seeds of new life has become a bitter, crisp breeze that sends chills through the bones. Daylight has diminished as the sun now looks upon us from a different point of view. Its rays have lost their warmth. Comfort is no longer provided by nature but rather a down-filled jacket that reeks of exploitation. Clouds that used to simply be passersby are now staples in the sky. 

I walk through a picturesque landscape of elms and think back to when these colors meant something so much different. The streets I walk on are no longer on the way to school. Leaves on the ground no longer make up a pile of leaves that could amuse me for hours but rather amplify the stress that is to come. The first freeze was once a sign that a different adventure was arriving. Now all I can do is sigh and wish it was the way it used to be.

Is the cause of my death, the wish of a life? No. My discovery is that the cause of my death is a wish of a life that is dead. It is dead in a sense that it will never happen again and if I continue to try to live something that is dead, I will continue feeling dead. Instead, I must live the life that is alive and grow from the life that is dead. 

Appreciate the past for what it was. Let the feelings linger. Reminisce. Reflect. Relive. But nonetheless, don’t let nostalgia numb your new life. Let it live and amplify what is here today. I must make these recollections a piece of physical art. Then, at last, I will finally catch that leaf that comes and goes with the wind and finally be able to feel it again. I will place it in between two pages and never let it escape. It has been documented. It was once a fleeing thought, and now it is a memory. A vivid, concise revival of a day, an hour, a moment, of euphoria.

So say goodbye to those moments. Say goodbye to the past. But when you remember it, remember it forever. Recreate the feelings it gave you and continue to make these memories because one day, today will be the leaf you’re trying to catch.