Something about nothing

“I just need a way out of my head, I’ll do anything for a way out.”

Overthinking every single thing I do, every action I take, every word that I write.

I have created an artificial box where I think my thoughts must exist.

Somehow, I still get lost in this box.

It is strange how once you start doing something a certain way you feel like you have to keep doing it the same way forever. If there is anything I’ve learned in this life, it’s that humans are dynamic creatures. You cannot stay the same forever. The things I think about now are the complete opposite of what I thought about 5 years ago.

PEOPLE REALLY DO CHANGE.

Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes it’s not.

Change is inevitable. Sometimes you just don’t feel like you think you should, you don’t think like you think you should, you don’t say what you think you should, but that’s okay.

Where is “should” coming from? Who determines “should”?

My “should” comes from a variety of different sources. It comes from my peers, my idols, my family. This has determined what I tell myself. It also determines what I do and what I don’t do.

So many outside sources make up what you think you need to do.

Today, I thought I’d write about nothing.

I thought I’d write about why I need to just talk about nothing sometimes.

I have kept my thoughts composed inside of 4 walls for so long that the things I talk about start to overlap and repeat. Yeah, it’s what I enjoy talking about, but I also know the importance of not being a robot constantly and just talking about what I feel like.

STRESS BUILDS WHEN I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD DO SOMETHING

This feeling of unnecessary obligation leads to forced thought. 

When I sit down in front of this laptop each day and I tell myself “this is what I need to talk about” I don’t end up saying what I want to say. Sometimes it comes out like I want it to, but other times I finish it and I’m unfulfilled. 

Like I said, I get lost in this box.

It’s acceptable to feel how you feel. Sometimes you just have to endure what you are. You just have to look in the mirror and rawly accept what looks back at you.

This artificial box I’ve created has made me blind to what I actually am. I think I am this influencer that can only talk about productivity and deep philosophical thoughts about identity but I just wanna talk about nothing sometimes.

Being real with yourself about how you’re feeling about stuff is the only way to move forward. Some days I’m not very honest. I treat writing like a job and not a hobby. This is what I enjoy doing. I enjoy voicing what I am thinking and sometimes I just don’t share the reality of it enough.

I do what I do because I know the outcomes derived from it.

I am searching for fulfillment.

Sometimes I am not completely fulfilled because of this box. I don’t let myself leave it and to really get what I want, I have to leave it.

Today I left it. I broke through those walls that have held me in. And guess what, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel fulfilled.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO BREAK YOUR OWN RULES.

If you want change, you have to change.

Alright, that was a little something about nothing, but was actually kind of about something, I guess.

It was fun to write, as it should be.

Godspeed. 

For a while…