The Exploration

“With every sunset comes a sunrise.” Here’s the honest truth: I lost control. I started letting a lot of important pieces of my life slip. I slowly allowed myself to become more and more laxed in what I do. IT’S TIME TO TAKE BACK CONTROL. I started letting myself believe that I was stagnant. By telling myself this, I made it a reality.  I used the infamous phrase: “I will ____ when _____ happens.” Pushing action off until circumstances change is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. IF YOU CAN’T DO IT NOW, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU COULD DO IT LATER? Instead of taking action,  I looked for excuses. I looked for distractions. I looked for anything to take my mind off doing what I should. Now it’s time to revamp. Some of the best words of wisdom I have learned are “If it isn’t working, make a change.” To determine if something isn’t working, ask yourself: What is my goal? What am I trying to achieve? Where do I want to be in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Do I feel like I a...

I wrote something yesterday. But you didn’t see it because I couldn’t post it. I wrote something different from what I usually write. It got to be too personal for my liking. I wanted to post it but I didn’t. Instead, I filtered myself and will only let it live in my drafts. NOT EVERYTHING THAT IS WRITTEN DOWN SHOULD BE SAID ALOUD. The biggest advantage I have found in my writing is that it allows me to test thoughts and voices without actually speaking them out loud. It allows me to say exactly what I want to say, then go back and think twice about it. I personally try to be as unfiltered as possible. That was how I started doing this writing. I would spend a few minutes trying to find focus in meditation and let my mind drift where it wanted to go. Then I would instantly jump on my computer and start writing down every thought that came to my mind.  I still do this, but it has become a lot more focused. THE OLDER I GET, THE LESS I SAY. I used to say whatever was on my mind withou...

How much do you do because you feel like you should? An unnecessary amount. This coincides with the feeling of guilt stemming from obligations. I often feel like the things you do are a result of the social pressure you feel from the people around you.  THE MORE TIME I SPEND ALONE, THE LESS I FEEL I SHOULD DO. When you surround yourself with people 24/7, you lose track of what you actually want for yourself. You are a social creature. You want to be around people. You want people to like you. Social belonging is one of the top tiers on the hierarchy of needs. You quite literally need to belong to achieve happiness. But what if your need for belonging inhibits your need for self-actualization? I almost feel like these 2 needs are inverses of each other. The more time I spend alone, the more I feel like I am discovering what I want. But with this, I lose my sense of social belonging. I feel like an outsider and become unhappy as a result.  The more time I spend with others, the...

“Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you.” Am I a bad person for doing what I want? This is a thought that makes me rethink every single decision I make. Guilt is a natural thing, it is actually a good thing. Guilt is your conscience telling you that what you did isn’t right and you should feel bad for it. But should you feel bad if you didn’t do anything wrong? The guilt I often feel comes from the possibility of letting someone down. It doesn’t necessarily mean I did anything wrong.  I think this type of guilt is programmed into us at an early age. WHEN YOU DON’T GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, THEY MAKE YOU THE BAD GUY. I have experienced it too often that when I don’t do what someone wants me to, I am the one who ends up feeling guilty. I do what I want for myself, and end up feeling bad for it. I have figured out exactly what it comes from: I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. If I didn’t care as much about the emotions of others as much as I did about my own emotions...

  Today I sat in a car for 3 hours. I was away from home, away from my routine for 5 days. As I sat in that in that car on the seemingly endless drive home on the barren interstate, I could not keep my mind off all of the things I need to do. Every thought was consumed by a piece of my lengthy to-do list. The more I thought about it, the more stressed I was becoming. I could feel my blood pressure rising solely from my thoughts. Then it hit me. I was sitting in a car doing absolutely nothing with 3 of my friends, and all I could think about was what I was going to do. I was letting my future stress me out rather than just enjoying the moment. I took a deep breathe and tried to clear my mind. At that moment in time, I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. There was not a single thing that I had to be anxious, stressed, or worried about.  I WAS CREATING IT ALL IN MY MIND. I feel this often when I know I have a lot on the agenda. I feel like I cannot get done with the current t...

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” I honestly don’t know this, it may be true it may not be, but I think I suck at first impressions. When I meet someone new, I have such a hard time giving them a real taste who I am. I am apprehensive in conversation. I am composed in body language. I am stoic in emotion. I am big in stature. People most likely believe I am the most unapproachable person alive. That is purely my judgement of myself. I do believe that depending on the situation and the person’s mindset going into a situation, the way they perceive you is going to be completely different.  Here is the problem: I HATE THAT FIRST IMPRESSIONS MATTER SO MUCH. Your initial impression of a person will dictate if you continue to talk to them or reach out to them. It could make or break a relationship. I believe that everyone deserves multiple chances. I know personally I am not the same person the first time meeting someone that I am the tenth time seeing a person....