The Exploration

“I just need a way out of my head, I’ll do anything for a way out.” Overthinking every single thing I do, every action I take, every word that I write. I have created an artificial box where I think my thoughts must exist. Somehow, I still get lost in this box. It is strange how once you start doing something a certain way you feel like you have to keep doing it the same way forever. If there is anything I’ve learned in this life, it’s that humans are dynamic creatures. You cannot stay the same forever. The things I think about now are the complete opposite of what I thought about 5 years ago. PEOPLE REALLY DO CHANGE. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes it’s not. Change is inevitable. Sometimes you just don’t feel like you think you should, you don’t think like you think you should, you don’t say what you think you should, but that’s okay. Where is “should” coming from? Who determines “should”? My “should” comes from a variety of different sources. It comes from my peers, my idols...

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is still accomplished.” What do you really need to do? What things in your life are so pressing that they have to be done within a 24 hour window? I’m talking about things that will put you at high risk of not surviving if they are not done. For most of you, there aren’t many. There are things you know you should do to get where you want to go, but there are not many things you need to do to survive. LIFE GETS A LOT MORE STRESSFUL WHEN WANTS BECOME NEEDS. Wants usually transpire because of the outcomes you desire. You see something that you want, therefore there are things you feel like you need to do to get there. An idea is formed inside your head of what somebody who has the outcome does with their time. Sometimes, it is spot on. Other times, it is a false idea that you planted yourself based on your perception of others. My need-to-dos consist of a lot of things that I have seen others do who are in a place where I want to be. So I stress day...

“Every rose has its thorn.” When the present is bad, anything different will always sound better. The pain you endure will make you think that there has to be a better situation. There has to be a better life that somebody else is living that you are not.  MISFORTUNE MAKES A MISTAKEN IMAGE OF WHAT IS IDEAL. Have you ever been so displeased with your current situation that you make up the ideal situation in your head? I sure have. When I was unhappy where I was, I would always create what the ideal life looked like in my head. I thought by doing this I was motivating myself to go get this life but what I was actually doing was making the present work and over-anticipating the future. The ideal situation in my head would always become so ideal that it couldn’t be real.  What is ideal is constantly changing. I believe that a bunch of different things you’ve experienced make up what your ideal life looks like. The ideal is a conglomeration of all the good things that you have stor...

“Good luck.” It’s a phrase you repeat time after time. It is something you say when you bid someone farewell. It’s a phrase that doesn’t matter who it is being said to; it could be said to a close friend or a complete stranger, both have the same meaning. When a close friend tells you they are taking a big step in their life you say it. When a complete stranger tells you that they are going on a weekend trip to some small cabin by a lake you say it.  It’s the same two words no matter what. I don’t want to be told these words anymore. These words are depressing. When someone tells me GOOD LUCK I instantly think to myself: YOU DON’T CARE. I’ve been told GOOD LUCK by complete strangers who quit thinking about me the second I leave their sight. They don’t care. They don’t care about where I end up, they don’t care about my “luck.” They just know that is what they are socially obligated to say. It makes me sick. I don’t want your luck. Everyone is so programmed to have certain responses...

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.” Certain qualities are generally deemed attractive.  An athletic build, good skin, good health, confidence, a clear mind, and intelligence are all things that I find attractive in a person. This isn’t limited to a mate either, this is anyone I come across. There has to be a reason I am naturally attracted to these types of characteristics. I started asking myself why these types of features are “attractive.” Here’s what I came up with: YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO WHAT YOU VALUE Every characteristic I mentioned is a result of a person’s lifestyle choices. These characteristics are achieved by living a healthy, active lifestyle, eating healthy food, taking care of oneself, and being dedicated to improving mental cognition. I value all of these things, therefore I found the products of those lifestyle choices attractive. YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO THE IDEA OF GROWTH The aforementioned characteristics are things that I know would help me grow as a p...

  “Value doesn’t decrease on someone’s inability to see it.” When your gas light is on, mind is empty, and results are nonexistent, you begin to question if it’s worth it. When things get hard, it is easiest to give in. You start to believe all of the people who said it’s not worth it. You start to believe yourself when you felt like you were wasting your time. You are ready to give it all up because of a couple minor setbacks. You are ready to ditch your dreams because somebody told you they aren’t worth it. IF YOU WEREN’T GONNA FINISH, WHY EVEN START? I ask myself this every day. My time is crunched and there are a ton of other things I want to do, and I spend time working on something that has not given tangible returns yet. I am throwing my effort into the ocean and hoping the current brings in exactly what I want some day. That’s what it feels like. But I know it’s worth it. Here’s how. My exploration has given me no physical returns, but it has brought me extraordinary treasu...

  “Behind every fear, there is a miracle waiting.” Not being able to change something in the moment sucks. People are so impatient. Everyone wants instantaneous results. They want to have their hand in every decision. For a while, I felt like I could influence anything that happened in my life. I felt like if I wanted to be successful tomorrow, my input today would determine that. I thought that I could jump back into doing exactly what I was doing before I got sick the day after I got medicine. I was so wrong.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is wait. THE WORLD IS NOT ON YOUR TIME. I have developed more and more patience over time but I still find myself jumping the gun on things because I want them to happen right now. I leap at the first glimpse of something that I might want, even though a person’s feelings change so much over time.  So many people make rash decisions based on what they are feeling at the moment because they are incapable of waiting. They want tha...

  “Freedom comes from the strength of self-reliance.” Everyone thinks they’ve got it figured out, until they don’t. Self-reliance is a gift and a curse. The more I have developed myself, the more reliant I have become solely on myself. But every once in a while I am humbled by an experience that makes me realize that I need others. I need people to show me the things I still don’t know and do things for me I can’t do for myself. NOBODY LIKES ADMITTING THEY NEED ANYONE. Nobody likes showing their reliance on others. When you rely more on yourself than others you are showing the power and self-discipline you possess. It is a very freeing feeling to know that you can do it on your own. But that brings me to the question: WILL YOU EVER DO IT ALL ON YOUR OWN? In my opinion, the answer is NO. I thoroughly believe that you will always need others for something. One of the pillars in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the need for belonging and love. This cannot be done by yourself. You need...